Submission 26

Dear Brother,

I feel sad and angry you're not here to support me right now. It's not fair that I have to do this on my own. You could have been so helpful in times like this and I understand why it was so hard for you to stay. I don't blame you for why you left. I don't know everything, but I do know you did your best with what you had and what you didn't have.

My job now is to break this cycle of trauma without putting pressure on myself, to take care of myself and let others take care of me too, to let the love in even though I'm scared. I know you loved me so much - you idolised me, but I'm not going to play the role of the strong one anymore. I'm not going to have all my shit together. I'm learning to be a fragile, messy human - something unfortunately you didn't feel safe to be.

It's not your fault the world is so brutal. Some of us are too sensitive for it. That's a beautiful and tragic thing. Some of us are not meant for this world at this time. Maybe another time. It wasn't my job to save you. Just to love you. Just to be a sister.