Submission 54
Dad,
Firstly, I miss you each and everyday.
I hate the fact you have missed out on seeing me get married, get divorced and have 2 beautiful girls. We talk about you everyday - even though you never met them.
I talk as if you were here, Grandad would have loved this, Grandad would be so proud of you. I am sad for my children, who have missed out on a grandparent.
Submission 46
Mum,
Today's my baby girl's 13th birthday. I can remember back to the week she was born so clearly. I think you might have waited and wished for her even more than I did. You were so proud and excited... We spent so much time with you in those early years. Some say we almost lived in each others pockets. Maybe that's true. But you were my friend as well as my mum and her grandmother.
We loved spending time with you.I wish you hadn't moved away...I wish you hadn't moved back...I wish you hadn't spent so much time thinking back to the past and what might have been.
Submission 42
Father,
Something I have never ever healed from and probably never ever will. I have spent years keeping these emotions in, it hasn’t been til this year I’ve felt ready to accept and come to terms with everything.
Submission 41
Dad,
I have so much that I want to say to you. I’ll start with the easy one, I never actually became the next Alan Shearer, like was our plan, although I still pretend most days (in the mirror), and there still sits somewhere inside of me the belief that I still can be him.
Anyway, the difficult part. Over the last 15 years I have found so many ways to try and cope with the fact you’re not here. For the first 10 years I pretended that it didn’t happen at all. I never said your name. I never talked about our family. I blocked out every thought possible. I certainly never spoke about how you died.
Submission 36
Mum,
I’m sorry. I’m sorry that we never got to laugh and cry together. I’m sorry that you couldn’t tell me off when I didn’t brush my teeth. I’m sorry that you couldn’t tidy my hair, kiss me goodnight, and wish me good luck.
Submission 35
Dear Mum,
It took me a long time to start this. You left a little over five years ago now, but you were with me for almost 27 years.
In all that time you loved me so utterly and completely, with every bone of your being, you told me every day I could be anything I wanted and meant it. You battled so much in your life, and yet most people just knew you as someone who cared, someone who brought light and life into the world.
It is such a shame, but perhaps often true, that it is only after people die that we come to truly understand what it might have been like to be them. When you got ill, I did my very best to understand what it might be like to feel the pain you did, but of course I never could have known truly.
Submission 34
Dear Dad,
I've often tried to find the words I'd say to you if I had the opportunity to do so, Dad. If I could spend just one more minute with you. The reality is, I probably wouldn't say anything. Instead, I'd smile, hug you tight and thank you for being my Dad.
Submission 32
Mum,
If I could tell you anything
If I could tell you anything I would tell you how much I loved your kung pow chicken recipe,
That I loved your lack of speed in articulate despite a timer and shouting team mates,
I loved how much pride you took in your garden.
I loved that you put notes in my lunch box when I was in primary school (much to my utter embarrassment at the time).
Submission 31
Mama,
It’s been 1 year- 4 seasons, 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8760 hours, 525600 minutes, 31536000 seconds- since my world shattered. The words “your mom killed herself” forever ring in my ears and shattered my heart.
I struggle with figuring out my emotions surrounding your suicide.
On one hand, I totally fucking get it. I understand wanting so badly to be dead, wanting so badly for everything to end. I understand that life can be a terrible experience. In fact, I’m happy that you’re no longer hurting and suffering from unbearable pain.
But on the other hand, I don’t get it.
Submission 30
Ben,
485 days ago you left us. I never understood what people meant by the five stages of grief until you passed. I've been through all the stages but i don't think i've quite made it to stage five just yet. 'Acceptance'.
Submission 27
Dad,
There are literally no words to describe the intense pain you feel losing someone to suicide. It hurts just typing it. I never ever thought it would happen to me. And then boom at 20years old I lost my best friend.
I carry the sadness and pain with me everyday and in everything I do. I may not speak about my Dad everyday but the pain, the memories, and his spirit are there.
Submission 18
To you Mum,
I'm not even sure what to say, I was never good with words, but you knew that. I didn't need to speak for you to know if I was OK or not. You just knew. I miss that.
Submission 07
Dad,
I hope you have found the peace that you were looking for. When I am asked that dreaded question “how did he die?” I simply say, you died from sadness.
It tears me apart that you felt as though this was the only option you had. I’ve grown up hearing stories about how funny you were, how you lit up every room you entered with your personality and dance moves… although they are nice to hear, it also breaks my heart a little more each time.
Submission 05
Mum,
It's been 8.5 weeks since I lost you. I think about you every single minute of every single day. I can't help thinking about the last time I spoke to you on your 62nd birthday only two weeks before you took your own life. It was a conversation full of hope and optimism and I was so proud to hear that you wanted this to be your year after suffering so much last year with both your physical and mental health. This made the news all that more shocking but really I wasn’t shocked. I knew it was something that had been on the cards for years and it was a matter of time before you did it.
Submission 03
Dear Mum,
It’s been over 30 years now, but I still think of you often. I see you when I look in the mirror and I’ll never forgive the flat ass I inherited from you.