Jamee Warden’s shared experience
This piece is written by Jamee Warden an incredibly inspirational woman and the founder of My Grief Plants.
“ Hello, my name is Jamee. I am not a Grief expert but an expert in my own grief. In 2005 my dad was in a motorcycle accident he suffered from an anoxic brain injury and never fully recovered passing three years later. This threw my mother into her first real manic episode as she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was a kid. Cut to 2015, my stepdad chose to take his life on Thanksgiving Day. My entire family was there although we didn’t witness the actual act. Almost one year later, my mom took her life. I created ‘My Grief Plants’ as a way to dig myself out of my own suffering. I hope you can find your way out when you’re ready as well. “
Grief is an excellent teacher. It is our greatest lesson in growth. While going through the depth of my grief for the (what feels like) millionth time… I would always have people say to me “You are so strong. I don’t know how you do it.” I literally felt so alone. Then I started to meet other people who had also experienced similar losses as me. Some of them were not like me at all. You could see how their losses had really taken a toll on them. Their grief had planted seeds of resentment. Fear. Anger. Mistrust. At times I had similar feelings towards myself. Self-pity. Why me thoughts. I quickly realised that these negative thoughts, although warranted and healthy, were not going to get me anywhere.
I had to reframe my thinking. Reframe how I felt about my grief. How it was going to define me. This is where the idea for ‘My Grief Plants’ came, and the question “What has your grief planted?” It's a question to get you to think about how your grief has impacted you. What roots have you established? Are you content with how you feel about your losses? Do you wish you could reframe your thoughts on the way you see your grief from the experiences you have had? I’m here to tell you… YOU CAN!
We need to dig up what's been planted and start fresh… or we need to plant new seeds. Plant seeds of grief? What do you mean? What does that look like? Close your eyes. Breathe In through the nose. Breathe out through your mouth. Picture yourself sitting under ground. You are the seed. There is a tiny pin drop of light. So tiny that you can barely even see it. You’re fine here. But it's really dark. You are seated in your deep grief. How do you feel? What seeds have been planted? As the light grows brighter and time goes on…you shift down into the soil and rise at the same time towards the light. The time you spend in the darkness is partially up to you… and partially up to the depth of your love for the person you lost. It can be complicated. But at the top of the soil when you are coming back into your fullest expression what traits do you want to embody? Do you want to be angry? Do you want to feel joy? Do you want to experience laughter? Do you want to resent joy for others? These are your choices. We don’t always get to choose what happens to us or for us. However, we do get to decide how we respond to what happens. We get to choose what happens next.
Of course, as we have experienced prior, terrible things happen all the time. Life as we know it can be ripped away suddenly without notice. But the fundamental act of choosing is in our hands. We get to choose how our day goes. We get to choose how our months pass by. Are we going to spend them stuck in our sorrow? We could if we wanted. But if you could decide….if you could choose how it goes from here on out… what seeds would you want to plant? What harvest do you want to sow? Years have passed. Wrinkles and grey hairs will eventually start to show. Your person (s) have left the earth long ago. The darkness has faded into the background. But you still remember sitting looking at that pin drop of light. You think to yourself, what has ‘My Grief Planted’? I hope you remember you get to choose. To you. To me.
Written by Jamee Warden
Jamee Warden