Submission 149
Dear Dad
I lost you when I was too young to comprehend why you were gone. A seven year old girl had to grow up too fast and knew too much darkness way too young. The word suicide shouldn’t have meant anything to me, but it meant everything.
Submission 146
Dear Mom
I want you to know that I’m not angry, nor have I ever been with you since you left. All I felt was great sadness. Sadness for what you must have been feeling, for feeling so alone and for being alone in what must have been one of the hardest and darkest of moments. I don’t know if anything we could have said or done would have changed your mind, but I wish I could have been there to hold your hand through it.
I wish I could have seen the signs.
Submission 142
To my father figure,
You told me you would always be here for me, no matter what but the darkness won
You were the father I never had and I will spend a lifetime thinking of the goodbyes I never got to say
Submission 139
To my daddy,
I miss you so much. 8 years without you and my heart hurts.
I have a dad shaped hole in my life but you are my biggest inspiration and I am trying to help people like you. I have done so much over the last 8 years and I would have loved to have had you there with me. But everything I do, you are in my thoughts and I carry your love and strength with me everyday.
You were an amazing man and I will ensure nobody ever forgets the kind, gentle and caring man that taught me so much.
Submission 137
Dad,
It’s taken me a little while to have the courage to write this letter.
In my head I talk to you every day, but somehow having to summarise the last eight years without you didn’t seem possible.
Submission 127
Dear Dad,
It’s been 17 years without you now and some things become easier and some become harder. People say the pain never lessens but it does, the rough waves just become further apart and there is more time to breathe before the next one crashes.
Submission 124
Dad,
Well this is what you chose. I hope in the end you felt you had made the right choice and that it wasn’t too painful.
Submission 117
To My Darling Daddio,
Nothing in the world could've prepared me for losing you, ever. Losing you to suicide was something I never saw coming and ultimately would never ever be ready for.
Submission 114
Dad,
It’s been 16 years since you left us, and yet sometimes it still feels just like yesterday. I go through stages of being ashamed of still grieving, then other times I am more gentle with myself and accepting that I will probably grieve forever.
Submission 111
Dear Dad,
There are no good words to include in such a letter. Various emotions mix with each other, I can't even arrange them properly in my head. A letter or even many letters is definitely not enough to tell about over 10 years of life. There will be no dialogue, which is what I would like the most. It is impossible to talk with a letter. At least 5 minutes with you to learn a few things - that's what I would love to have.To this day, I often ask myself a few questions.
Submission 104
Dear Papa,
It’s been 68 days since you left. The days keep ticking over, the number increasing at unrelenting speed, and yet, I am stuck in that moment with the words spoken “we’ve lost Dad.”
Submission 102
Dad,
I'm sorry. We never discussed emotions much. I wish we'd started opening up a long time ago.
I hope you know how loved you were... are.
Submission 96
To My Dad,
Almost one year has passed since I lost you. One year since I last spoke to you. Heard your voice. Had one last hug.
Submission 90
Dear Dad,
The last time we spoke you knew you were going to be a Grandpa but you couldn’t hold on long enough to meet your beautiful granddaughter.
Submission 88
Dear Dad,
I just wish you’d stayed.I know it’s impossible to rationalise a completely irrational act, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t spent the last 4 years trying.I have been strong and determined to make a good life for myself, to choose happiness always. It hasn’t been easy, there has been days I have wanted to give in, but just like my father I am stubborn and I will not.
Submission 86
My lovely Mum,
I’m sorry depression won.
Submission 81
Dear Dad,
I'm not sure where to start. 2 and a half years on and I am beginning to be able to feel a glimmer of warmth when I hear your laugh in videos or see your smile in all the photos your loved ones share of you.
Submission 79
Mum,
I often dream that we are together again. I tell you how awful it was that you had died, you’d died by suicide and how terrible it was for us all that we had thought we had lost you.
Submission 73
T,
The pain of losing you is deeper than I could have ever imagined. Some part of me always questioned if this is how things would end. You lived so much of your life in fear, you were tormented by your mind and you suffered in so many ways. The only comfort I get from your decision is knowing that your mind cannot trouble you anymore, that you have found a peace now that you could never find while you were here.
Submission 72
Momma and Wendy,
Only in recent years did I realise the suffering you both endured in your life. I cannot imagine living through times you did, and I was so lucky to grow up around you as my mother and auntie. For that I was truly blessed and ever grateful.